Kind of everywhere...

I realize I am jumping from here to there in this post but I have no solid foundation in what I wanted to write.  I am suppose to be looking up plants to put in our yard anyways.

"You do everything right and are still getting kicked in the butt" - that is a quote from my regular doctor.  See, I have been eating well, drinking water, exercising, all the right things.  My reward: hypothyroidism caused from a thyroid infection and low salt levels from drinking too much water.   The best part of hypothyroidism is you gain weight at a rapid level and don't have loads of energy.

For the last couple of weeks I have been on meds to heal the thyroid and in two weeks time I should learn if they are working and hopefully go back on Clomid.  I feel like I have more energy but the weight is slowly coming off.  This is a pet peeve of mine since the gain was a direct factor of the thyroid and now I have to lose it.  But enough of that junk...

We had the pleasure of a visit from my best friends little family this past weekend. It was a lot of fun even with a fussing little babe we had a great time and sharing lots of love with the tiny bundle of joy.  It was a blessing to have them under our roof. 
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to chase another friends child through Wal-Mart.  Laughing, giggling.  Hello, who wouldn't want to hang out with kids like this.  I have learned to really, truly, cherish moments with friends' kids.  Enjoy them for their laughter, crying and other funny weird stuff.  It is too much fun and crazy not to enjoy.

I think I have grasped the idea of not thinking about baby 100% of the time.  In fact, right now I would have to count out what month is nine months from now which for me is a huge.  For the last 26 months I could rattle that number off like it was my phone number *big pat on the back*  

Keys to Success

There are a few keys to surviving the struggle in getting pregnant. 

I believe the first and foremost is the strength from within the couple facing it.  You must be able to talk freely about desires, fears and ideas. If you can't achieve this you will have nobody to lean on to get through the darkest days - there are friends that may hold your hand but if your own significant other can't stand by you then what is your relationship really based on.  I am lucky enough to be going through this journey with an involved and support husband.  

The second things is a few close friends, maybe 3 or 4.  All friends don't need the details. You need just a few friends with whom you discuss everything.  I do mean everything.  How is xyz procedure going, Side effects, The mucus between your legs, when is the next period, did you get it, how are you feeling, want to hang out cause I know this day has sucked for you.  They provide an ear to listen or a conversation not related to your situation.  Sometimes you are just tired of talking about it.  But these select friends, these select friends really care.  You can pick these people any way you see fit just make sure you can trust them without any doubt.  You don't need them to share your icky details.  I think it also helps to let them know about each other so if they want to talk about you at least they are talking to someone that knows all the icky stuff too.  Because let's be honest, humans like to gossip.  If you don't want them to gossip then isolate them, make sure they don't know about each other then if you can truly trust them they won't speak a word to anyone.  

Third: You need a second circle of friends.  These are the ones that know selected details you have chosen to share. They don't know every icky detail or every time you have mildly freaked out.  They just know a generalized version of what is going on. They are the ones that ask questions and you answer or tell them you don't want to talk about it - either choice you make so them is ok. They can also provide a different outlook because sometimes it's nice to talk to someone that doesn't know your period should be here in the next two days.  It provides a different kind of mental break.   It is nice to have friends that really care but are comfortable not knowing everything.  It does help it you know at 1 or 2 of them could move into the category of knowing everything if you choose.  

Fourth:  General people.  People that know but not because you have had a heart to heart. They know, you know that they know but they don't ask how it's going unless you bring it up.  They provide normalcy in society.  I find these people are the ones that say how brave you are, how much it sucks or nothing at all.  Sometimes it feels like getting a hug from a stranger.  It is oddly awesome! 

Fifth: Honesty. This really could be listed as #2.  Honesty with yourself is so important.  It puts you in a clearly and happier state of mind.  Lying to yourself gets you nowhere.  For the longest time I pretended I didn't have a miscarriage, it was easier to lie to myself then deal with it but the trade off for your peace of mind isn't worth it.   The more you can take your head out of the sand the better you are able to think and process ideas and feelings.  Although we have been struggling for 25 months now my head was honestly in the sand up until a month ago.  I was just going through the motions and doing whatever I need under a cloak of darkness, after all I didn't talk about it.