Oct 21, 2013

It ain't a party unless it's a clomid party

Here is to speed writing and not reading:

I have just finished my second round of Clomid and it was a thrilling five days of my life. *just a hint of sarcasm*
The last time I was on Clomid back in April I was a first class, grade AAA, raging cow then I would cry and want hugs.  It was a roller coaster that also came with intense hot flashes that required showering and changing clothes multiple times a day but I learned some good lesson that I tried this time around.
This time I avoided people like the plague whenever possible.  If I wasn't interacting via speech, text or email I couldn't fly off the handle and go crazy while pissing people off.  I had a 24/7 tape rolling in my head saying 'be nice, be nice, be nice'.  It kind of worked for a bit till I finally lost it late Friday.  The worst part about the raging emotions is you can't control what will set you off nor can you calm down even though you know in your head you are being a first class crazy bitch.  It is like a lava fissure at 10000x the speed and nothing you can do will stop it or close the fissure, it just gets wider and wider and wider.  You get crazier and crazier.  I would almost take more hot flashes to exchange in the raging emotions.
Let's talk hot flashes.  I imagine this is what menopause feels like.  I worked two of the five days and had two changes of clothes with me, deodorant, perfume, not to mention it is a chilly fall and I was wearing capris and tank tops, no jacket, too hot.  At home, I wore the light things I could find but my intense hot flashes this time around where at night.  It's 17 degrees in our house at night I will fling off all the covers and lay there.  It makes falling asleep difficult but I would rather have them at night than during the day.
In short, to everyone I may have pissed off or rubbed the wrong way last week, I don't apologize, seriously, I don't.  I am not proud of it nor am I thrilled about I did or the things I said that shouldn't have, it is embarrassing BUT I WANT A BABY! If being a raging bitch with hot flashes for five days or so is what it takes than the world can bite my ass as I walk out the door cause I will continue to do it. :)
More importantly, this afternoon I will find out if it is working at all and there are more than just one little eggie to up our chances.  I am not 100%s sure how much blogging I will do over the next little while because some of this we want to keep to ourselves, obviously.

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